Excuses, excuses

Today I spotted a friend of mine online, so I sent her a quick message wishing her a happy Easter. She responded in kind, and volunteered on her own that she had been unable to attend church because her feet were sunburnt. Like anyone else would have, I felt myself awed to be in my friend’s presence, even electronically. She is a master of excuses, and I am not worthy to untie her sandals.

My brother Zero once came up with a list of original excuses for being unable to attend events. Though I can’t top my friend, I’m sure I can outdo Zero if not in quantity of excuses, then certainly in quality. Thus, I present my own all-purpose list of Reasons I Cannot Go. Note that these can be used for skipping church, giving a pass on weddings, blowing off work, or any other event that you need to miss, for any reason. To wit:

  1. I was going to go to go, but my back itched.
  2. I was going to go, but I slept great last night and decided I wouldn’t need the nap after all.
  3. I was about to leave, but my dog began to suffer anxiety and the kennel said I had to pick him up.*
  4. I had a Coke commercial stuck in my head, and was concerned that people would be annoyed if I started singing it.
  5. I forgot that I didn’t have a car, and spent the whole morning trying to recall where I had parked it.
  6. I was too busy Twittering.
  7. I took the red pill, and was seeing how deep the rabbit hole goes.

* Please note that Zero actually used this excuse last year to explain why he was unable to visit for Thanksgiving.


About maradanto

La Maradanto komencis sian dumvivan ŝaton de vojaĝado kun la hordoj da Gengiso Kano, vojaĝante sur Azio. En la postaj jaroj, li vojaĝis per la Hindenbergo, la Titaniko, kaj Interŝtata Ĉefvojo 78 en orienta Pensilvanio.
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1 Response to Excuses, excuses

  1. the best excuse of all that nobody can argue with, unless they are completely insensitive:
    “I have cramps.” (This excuse is the most effective when used by a female, although that may have changed in the past 50 years. This excuse is not meant to be clever or funny. It is simply effective. I was a giant walking (or not) cramp when I was a teenaged girl.

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