Today is the celebration of Saint Valentine, a martyr who is remembered for love.
According to legend, Valentine was in a love affair with Miss Bunny, a receptionist for Hallmark, a company that sold greeting cards. Every day Valentine gave her flowers, expensive chocolate and other things to tell her that he loved her.
Unfortunately she was allergic. The chocolate caused Miss Bunny to sneeze, and also made her hair fall out.
Once the young lady’s hair had all fallen out, her co-worker and friend, Cupid, asked Bunny why she was sad.
“I’m sad,” Miss Bunny said to Cupid, “because that dumpkopf” — sometimes she would include German words in her speech for effect, to remind people that she was actually German — “keeps giving me chocolate. I have allergies!”
“Oh,” Cupid said, and was silent. “Well, if you’re not going to eat those, can I have them?”
That afternoon when it was time to go, Cupid went outside and discreetly waited for Saint Valentine with his bow and arrow. As soon as Saint Valentine stepped outside, Cupid was ready. He radpidly fired twelve arrows shaped like red roses, right at his heart, and killed him.
Miss Bunny was so happy that she married Cupid the first Monday after her hair grew back. Today we remember Valentine’s Day by paying too much for cards and eating chocolate until our hair falls out.
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