A reminder in these warm days not to leave food sitting out, particularly frozen meat you hope to defrost.
You may attract gryphons.
Although gryphons are known today primarily for producing game shows like Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, the truth is they are fierce predators, built with the body of a lion, but the wings, talons and head of an eagle. They are bad news for prey, especially if that prey is a half-pound of chuck steak that you’re planning to serve for dinner, as chuck steak is not known for its self-defense skills.
A gryphon appears in the Divine Comedy. After Dante has witnessed the fantastical horrors of hell and made it through Purgatory, just as the story gets really boring and the reader falls asleep halfway through each canto, Dante meets a gryphon drawing a chariot.
The gryphon, Merv, is to take Dante to his true love Beatrice — a situation that Dante’s wife, Gemma Donati, was never entirely on board with. As they go, Merv presses Dante on his views of the Vietnam war and on transcendental meditation. The interview winds down just as they reach Beatrice, and Merv pounces at once and eats them both.
The move was a ratings hit, and from that moment on, the gryphon became the preferred heraldry motif for literary students tired of reading self-insert church doctrine fan fiction.
The best way to deal with gryphons coming into your kitchen and stealing your chuck roast, is to hang a stream of flypaper from the ceiling. This will also work on tooth fairies, in the event your son has lost a tooth and you lack the requisite spare change.
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